Let's rock this bitch.

I think I'm gonna give IJ another try? Look me up; you know the name.

Socks.

Posting this here so I don't lose it.

( List (of middling size) of (drool-worthy) socks. )

This seems to be the year of Stephen King. First 1408, now...The Mist. Great story - also one of his shorts, from the anthology "Skeleton Crew". Read it, it's great.

I'm. so. excited. I don't know if you could tell. XD I can't wait to go see it! November 21st, baby.

Trailers: Watch 'em.
Mist Trailer 1
Mist Trailer 2

That's what we'll call it.

On my way home from work, my iPod died, and I was very sad. So, not possessing night vision and so not able to find my CD case in the dark, I switched on the radio. And the song playing is Linkin Park's "Bleed it Out". Okay, so I like his voice, because I have a thing for less conventional sounding voices; for example, the vocalist for Our Lady Peace. But he's just not...angry enough, I guess. He just looks like a total nerd, and you can hear it in his voice.

So I have created a new genre of music.

Geek Metal.

That's what we'll call it.

I wish I could stop feeling like I want to shoot myself in the head.

I just don't understand. So many things.

I don't understand.

Good news first. Tonight at Skyway I rode the cutest, sweetest, most endearing and hard working little pony ever. His name's Chance, and he's a Quarter Horse, only five years old. He's just a baby! :D He tries so hard, and he listens really well. I absolutely love him.

Bad news. I walk in the house, and dad just has to splash cold water all over me. He and mum are sitting there stuffing envelopes and whatnot, and he keeps demanding that I come in there a take over for him. Like hell I will. All he does is sit in front of the TV anyway - now he's doing something useful. I don't care if he's been working all day. I need to study. He can bitchbitchbitch all he wants.

So maybe I won't be NaNo-ing this year. .___. Again. We're already two days into it and I only have like, 300 words. I've been so damn busy that I haven't had a bit of time to write. Between school, and work, and homework and papers, and good ol' procrastination, my fingers have yet to type a dent into 50,000 words. I'm still going to try - I've spent this whole year between nano 06 and nano 07 furiously gnawing on my imagination and I don't want to give up - but I don't know if I'll reach 50k. But who knows? Maybe I'll be one of those come-from-behind writers who gets a crazy burst of inspiration just before the deadline and bangs out those last thousands of words. (Doubtful, but I can dream, right? XD And maybe it'll happen.)

So wish me luck!

Happy NaNo-ing!

Happy Halloween, too, since I didn't get on last night to say it. <3

Choke a bitch.

"Not Falling Apart"

Danced all night, slept all day
Careless with my heart again
Fearless when it comes to playing games

You don’t cry, you don’t care
Afraid to have a love affair
Is that your ghost or are you really there?

Now I can’t walk, I can’t talk anymore
Since you walked out the door
And now I’m stuck living out that night again
I’m not falling apart

Weather on a sunny day
Time slows down; I wish you’d stay
Pass me by in crowded, dark hallway

Try my hardest not to scream
I find my heart is growing weak
So leave your reasons on the bathroom sink

Now I can’t walk, I can’t talk anymore
Since you walked out the door
And now I’m stuck living out that night again
I’m not falling apart

I heard you say you needed me now
What’s the problem I can’t see
You destroyed me, I won’t fall apart again
I’m not falling apart

Take what you want
I will be just fine
You will be better off alone at night
Waiting and falling
Constantly calling out your name
Will it ever change?

Now I can’t walk, I can’t talk anymore
Since you walked out the door
And now I’m stuck living out that night again
I’m not falling apart

I heard you say you needed me now
What’s the problem I can’t see
You destroyed me, I won’t fall apart again
I’m not falling apart

I feel like I'm imploding.

I don't really care anymore. I don't want to care. I don't want to solve other people's problems tonight. I don't want to know the reason you're squatting there in the middle of the sidewalk, curled in on yourself with hands over your ears. I don't care tonight. I really, really don't care. I don't know how to fix it.

---

Tonight is the first night in a while that I've felt so close to breaking my promise. I can taste it in my mouth, I can smell it, I can feel it, and I want it.

But I want a body, too. Even more than blood I want a body to cry against. I want a body to lay next to at night.

---

Told Phillip earlier that I didn't want food; I wanted a shotgun to put in my mouth.

I want to play Russian Roulette. Fun game, right? Spin the barrel, take a chance.

Maybe the chamber will be loaded.

I hate my fucking life.

Not all of it, really. Just the part spent at home.

It's not really home. Hasn't been for about five years now. It's just a house. I occupy space in it. I don't live in it. I don't breathe in it. I don't function in it.

I suffocate in it.

I sit in it, and I sleep in it, and I think, dream of being in other places.

I hate it here. Surrounded by her, by him, and their stupid thoughts. I can't wait until I can leave with a single standing finger as a goodbye.

So yesterday was my first day working at Barnes and Noble! I have one main thing to say about it:

omgLove.

I already like it way better than Panera, the people I worked with yesterday are great (Caitlin and CJ, plus I met both Robyns, one of which is this adorable Asian chick and the other is a manager in the actual bookstore), and I'm surrounded by two of my most favorite things: coffee and books! I get a discount on books. *glee* And we can actually "check out" books, too. They have to be hardbacks, and you just remove the cover, take it home, and bring it back in saleable condition within two weeks. How awesome is that??

So yeah. I like my new job. n__n I know, I know, pretty soon I'm going to hate it, blah blah blah, but whatever. I'm not listening to you people this time. And anyway, how can I hate it any more than Panera?

Just over a fortnight till NaNoWriMo.

...Fifteen days to be exact.

I'm excited...but I'm scared. ;__;

My mouth hurts. @_@ And I can't figure out why. It's not my teeth, or my jaw...I think it's my tongue. Like the sides of it or something. *feels around mouth with tongue* Yeah, definitely the sides. But it's weird, because it doesn't hurt if I actually touch my tongue - if I poke it, or pinch it or whatever. Just whenever I chew. ;__;

Good mood = destroyed.

I'm seventeen, going on eighteen in what? Six months? That's not very long. I can take care of myself. Bitty little Kristen isn't going to get raped walking from the store door to her car. Or on the way home. The car is locked. Not to mention moving. Is a rapist/axe murderer going to dive through my closed window while I'm doing fifty?

I have to admit that I don't understand.

Whhhyyyyyy?

I understand that I am still seventeen and she can still mandate some of what I do, but how am I going to learn if she doesn't let me? How can I make mistakes if she directs my every move? I hate having to check every little thing with her. It isn't possible for me to live with her hanging over my head every second of the day. I'm sick of it. I'm sick and tired and hurt. I just don't understand.

Why does she have to make me feel this way? It's not just the fact that she tries to micromanage my life, but sometimes I feel like she tries to say the worst possible thing to me. Just the right thing to bring me crashing down.

Like I said. I don't understand. And I'm sick of it.

I got the job.

I actually got the job.

omg.

I'm gonna work at Barnes and Noble!